i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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