...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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