Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
