I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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