The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
