Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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