I murdered the dance floor call the cops
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
