fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
