How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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