I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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