I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize