wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
