please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
