Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
