She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
