he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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