she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
