he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
