How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
