She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
