I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you would pick up someone in the library
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
