I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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