She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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