It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
