i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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