You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize