Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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