pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
