I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
