I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
