wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How external is "for external use only"?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
