Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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