she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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