In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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