Even the bartender felt bad for me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
