Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm both gender and math confused
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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