Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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