I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize