Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
