Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
