Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mom said you looked used
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You are a genius and a whore.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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