R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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