so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
