Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
