Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
