its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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