I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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