After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
