I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
