My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize