using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
