and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
