oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
