listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
