i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
