WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
