I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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