I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
