we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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