the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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