Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize