i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
