New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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