laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
