My room smells like vodka and shame
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
