I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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