Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want nice things and good sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
