I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
