everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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