Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize