he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
